I wants to sleep, but can't...

i am bored out of my wits.
You know those Saturdays that seem like sundays, lazy and wanting for something to happen, where it makes you feel groggy knowing that nothing's really going to happen because everyone's gone and busy, your family's napping in the other room, no one's online, and on top of that, there's nothing to eat in the fridge?
... that's me right now... if you don't know how it feels, come on over... and get me out of this crap! I want to do something, talk to someone, read a book (which there are NONE at my mom's house), take a walk with a friend, something to get me out of this house! the computer's being stupid, the TV (it's saturday, come on, nothing's on during the weekends), ... ad surprisingly, i have a craving of orange/general tso chicken and Wallace and Grommit...
I watched "Wallace and Grommit; A Close Shave" yesterday at YellowCoat's before heading off to pep band. I haven't seen that movie in years!! I think the last time I watched that I was in kindergarden or maybe in 1st grade! I miss those cartoons...
You see, with my family, we have a lot of younger relatives (mostly second cousins) that one day started watching cartoon movies like crazy! And their parents want to save money, so they pawn off movies from us. the sad thing is, though, they started pawning them off when I was only 6-7. So, I only remember a few things about the cartoons... I remember the scary part of a close shave, and that was the part at the end, where the dog is a robot...
god that scared me.
Another Wallace and Grommit episode is with the Penguin trying to take over Wallace's mind, i think... or was he trying to clone him... I forgot, ok? it was 8 years ago! lol
so, i want to hang out with someone... I hope I get to...
because i am...

-1 Too tired for thought,
To conscious to dream,
All I can do is breathe,
And wait for the rising wisdom of the sun. -5 -NN

there! ... I wrote that this morning when I was getting ready to go out for lunch, and I finally used it! yes!
... ha? hrm, no, that doesn't work...
Finally! ... yes, that works. Finally; we are FINALLY deporting troops out of Iraq.
we're going INTO Afganistan, though, But, it's good to get out of Bush Jr.'s mistake of going into Iraq. Now, Iraq, you can take care of yourself and not have us on your backs :)
yay! now, I gots to go... I want to do something and this is quite long.
BYES!

pep band!

bored, waiting for 1:00, and tired of being in my room all day, but regretting having nothing else to do.
So, i'm in my room, in my bed, ready to sleep; I turn off the lamp, get into the covers, get in a very comfortable position... and all of a suden, my cel goes *vrrmpt, vrrmpt, vrrmp*
I look who texted me... ugh... I don't know what's going on (well, that's a lie. See, I knew this person. He/She's really awesome. They're one of my best friends. And, well, I recently found out that she/he likes me. So, i've been confused for the past few days) but around 10:45, I get a text from him/her, and i text back... that goes on for a while. I get back into my covers and back in a comfortable position, and after 10 seconds, *vrrmp, vrrmp, vrrmp...* I get out of covers, out of bed, etc. agh!!!
So, i didn't get much sleep last night... and Pep band's on today. I hope I can play today knowing that She/He's going to be there, along with YellowCoat and Buck Cat (who's bringing her boyfriend! yays!).
Love is such a misunderstood force, but it's so powerful... it either makes or breaks us. I just wish I didn't hurt their feelings in any way :(

Is it so hard to say?

It seems like i'm the only one who really cares... and my question to him is why?
... so, why?
... it seems like he's trying to avoid me, trying to get away from me, but still at times trying to get me to believe he still cares and doesn't do much to help out. So, my question... WHY?
except for that, I feel rather ok today... (wrong) I feel like crap. I just wish that I knew what I got myself into today. it seems like I don't know where I'm facing in the world, and the North is yelling off into the distance, the South is, to. And so is East and West. But, all of their screams are like fog; you can't really depict where it's coming from, or going...
So, I 'm lost in this fog, people are screaming at me, and he still doesn't give clarification on this situation hes placed me AND him in. God, is this punishment for something or is it just karma?
I would really like some clarification from you at least (force a smile)...
:) >:l And right now, I'm all in all annoyed by this so I'm shutting up.
byes my loves (see, I can say it... why can't you?)

Oscars

I really love the oscars...
These people's dreams are coming true all tonight...
and i's so looonggg... ugh, i'm not getting sleep tonight, am I? Oh, whatever... Anne Hathaway, please get this award!! We want YOU to have this! You deserve this... don't cry... oh great, now i'm crying...
I just loved the performance that Beyonce performed... HONESTLY, though?? Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens were in it? Why the hell did they get into the performance? First of, They were in 3 movies together... they're Idolized by children everywhere... ugh, HSM!! it's like 666... or 999... whichever one you wish to call it. But I just want the happy times to go on. don't we all, man...
Oh, and, ... OMG, kate won the oscar for best actress! lucky! sweet you!
... MAle Actor!... h, here we go... I love the videos they put on before the people come on. lol!
Robert Dinero... Anthony Hopkins... Adrien Brody... Sir Ben Kinsley ...Michael Douglass... :)
I hope Sean Penn gets the award... but, I dunno... I think he might not be able to...
God, i'm going to be up til 11... agh!
... I see the vampire... what's his name? Andrew... adrien... Alex?... agh! He was he vampire in Twilight... what's his name?? damn...
I want to say Adrien...
SEAN PENN! yes! yes!!! he won!!!
yes...
yay...
... damn, I got to see this movie... LOL! I got to see a lot of these movies....
agh. . . well, now, i'm going to get off... if you want the link to the wins and loses of this show,
Click here! !!
And now, i retire to sleep... since t is really late... and I must sleep... >:(... >XP... sleep.
go steven speilburg...

laptop finaly "tip top" shape

because guess where I'm editing this post on?
that's right, my laptop in my room! I feel like sleeping sometime, and I don't want to get up every time I want to go on the computer, so I finally got this thing set up! :) I can't wait to get some poetry on this baby and use it more often...
I got this for Christmas from my mom/John (mom's BF). They're awesome like that, OK? They've been in Florida for the whole week, so, my sister's been staying over here for the duration of mom's absence. It's rather peaceful...
Amy: "OH my god, I can't believe this!... What did you do?... How do I fix this?"
Jackie: (in kitchen preparing dinner): "What do you need, Amy?"
Amy: There used to be a bar right here on the computer screen by the start button thing, but now there isn't. what did you do?"
Jackie: ... "log out"...
Amy: I don't want the computer of, stupid. I just want the 3 bars."
Jackie: you're logged in as me."
Amy: we don't have log ins on this computer."
Jackie: give me this..." *logs out of Jackie on computer, logs in as Malone*
... better?
Amy: ... oh my god...
We get along so well...
Except for that, I believe I'm sick... as are so many people in my groups of friends. Al Supstar has issues with his stomach, D-Tony has the coughs and sneezes, Sami has the same thin I do, and I think YC has the same thing I do... well, I know. I passed it on to him before orchestra... ;)
and he knows nothing yet...
because no one reads this anymore except for 2-3 people... I need more readers, don't you think? I'm spreading word on this thing for others to read...
STARTING WITH MY GROUP OF FRIENDS...
well, yeah, now I'm feeling like sleeping... I need my anchor with me right now... XP please come soon...

My Theory; youth, give out your word

this will be long, so, take it in. I'm also turning this in to Mr. fisher and Mrs. Briskin sometime for Xtra credit hopefully (or just to bring some excitement to the classes).

Youth, Give Out Your Word -NN

Now, let's look at the word Rebellious;
a rebellion is a revolution,
a change, a challenge, a question.
Our job, being the youthful Generation,
is to question the world around us,
to seek out the why's and why not's in this world,
to see past the cosmetics the society puts on the world every morning.
We can see the effects we have on the earth,
on our human race,
on our lives, as individuals in a group.
We question why, we question why not,
Why we feel we must burn the enemy to the ground,
Why we can't drop the oil pump,
Why we didn't do our homework last night,
Why I laughed at the girl with the funny accent.
This is our job as the youth,
as the rebellious, as we are claimed to be,
when some just feel like challenging the rules.
some just say, "Oh, well, this clock looks pretty cool.
I wonder how it works."
They fall into the cracks as those thought to be angst,
when they're just simply doing their job,
when they're just questioning another why.
Others, however, don't seem to help their case whatsoever,
"Oh, all adults don't know what to do with our lives.
they can never know me."
There's a clear difference the two.
One wants to know why,
when the other just believes there's always a no.
They believe there's always a not to everything,
a no, a put down, just simply no answer.
(will be continued)

I could have danced all night...

Even though I really didn't dance... like, at all. lol!
But, it was still a very fun dance. I have pictures to prove it. Well, I didn't bring a camera, but many others did, and from what I know i'm going to be in the SW yearbook! Yays...
??
Anyways, Now, I have two things that worry me...
*I forgot to give YC his V-day gift when I went over to his house before the dance.
*What to eat first; YC's marzipan or some Chocolate... acquired on the same day...
Let's just say someone also liked me... and they didn't know about YC's and my relationship. so, after 4th hour, I go to my locker and find some chocolates on the top shelf with a letter. It says,
"To the one I look forward to meeting every day,
To the one who might not know I care,
To the one I think about every second,
and to the one I hope will care for my heart as I do yours. "
-Do you love me?-

I just stared back at this with awe. And suddenly, I see somene staring at me from the other side of the hallway...
I'm thinking, "no way. it can't be this person".
But it is. and I just think "holy crap" this person walks up to me, gives me a hug and says, "do you love me?"
I back away, patting him on the shoulder, smiling and saying, "I believe we can still be good friends after this mishap, don't you?" He smiles, saying "yes, I understand." nodding, kind of frowning, and walking the other way to his next class.
I'm kind of sad I left it at just that. I might talk to him about it more, just to make sure he understands. It's not that I don't like him as a friend, but I can't be more than that. I'm taken, and loving what I have with YC. I can't just throw it away for another person, especially since this person just got out of a relationship with someone else...
I just hope he understands...
But, I still have the chocolates. I tried to give them back, but he wanted me to have them. He wouldn't take them back. And pawning them off on someone else just doesn't seem right. he said to "take it as a gift from a dear friend." So, that's what I plan to do... just the timing is all i'm worried about... Because I also got marzipan to chow down on... still... i haven't eaten it yet...
I'm worried if I eat it now or not.. BLAGH! Stress is not good for me right now...
Ugh!

Going to Slice in the Morning

I'm getting a ride from YC and i'm going to SLICE, a christian ggroup that meets for an Hour every thursday before school starts. And I get the privelege to go! :)
yay!

So, this morning, I'm getting ready for breakfast, and I go downstairs into the kitchen and I see a red box on our counter. It says
"Dick and Carol Malone
*** ******** drive
*********, Florida"
I think they're not the doting kind of Grandparents... I mean, grandpa's ok, but Grandma can be a little cranky.
This is a recap on the LAST time we visited them. see what you think?
(grandma, Sister, and Neautique are all in the living room)
"hey, kids, do you want to help me set up the christmas tree?"
"Sure, grandma. where?"
"right here..." *sits down on her recliner*
*children start to put on the ornaments*
"You guys need to reach higher up. stop putting them all on the bottom."
"But, we can't reach up there."
"ugh, I guess you guys need help. Well, fine."
*"struggles" out of recliner and makes a fuss of helping with ornaments on a tree...*
"i'm gonna get a smoke. you guys keep this up, ok?"
"But, grandma... ok, fine."
*grandma leaves...*
*children stop working and put the rest of the onaments away and start to watch Spongebob on the TV...*
We later talked to dad about this and he understood. I mean, grandma did have lots of surgeries.
And this trip isn't going to be much different... she got knee surgery. Let's just say she's not as Atkins as some people. And, it's worrying me. But, i'm not going to up to her and say, "hey, granny, I think you're overweight."
So, this trip is going to be great.
... SO, i'm in the kitchen and I see this box. Me and my sister open it up...
it's two teddy bear ornaments with a little heart that says," I love you!"
... of course, the moment my sister sees the PINK one, she snatched it, "MINE!"
... I just sit and laugh. I always get the ones with flowers or brown on it. ugh...
Grandma chose that one, I could tell.
why must grandparents be so wanting to attach (obviously not all grandparents, but maybe yours) and yet be so off on what you really want? I just want to hang out with them. that's all I really want...
I don't know. maybe they'll see that I've grown up since 6th grade, and likes to talk politics and shit...
:) please let me talk...
I hope.

Sorry, my love...

"But, you have to understand, I can't just be some object. You can't just assume that something as simple as a hug will make me feel ok... and then you just walk away? no... no!
Just understand I'm human, and humans like to not be treated like some personal coathanger. I just don't get it. Honestly. God! "

... So, what do you think? I'm joining this afterschool drama team. We just randomly improvise and someone takes one that they really liked and we act it, having someone take notes on what we basically say with our lines (since this IS an improv). Then, we just keep it in a folder for classes and stuff. I think That was one of the ones we did. It's pretty cool.
Someone was really mad at their BF because he never talks to her outside of school anymore and just walked into her class around 6th hour and asked her to hide "something" since his teacher wouldn't let him take it into class. So she was pissed at him...
And she was still steamed when she went to this theater extra. The funny thing is, I had to take over her part when we re-read it. So, I had some frustration in store, because something similar to that happened to me.
YC comes into Orchestra (even though he's in Band). He comes up to me and says, "hey, my teacher won't let me take my coat into class. Can you hold onto it until the end of school? I'll come by to pick it up. Thanks." *hug*, "bye". Runs away...
I'm just sitting there with this huge ass coat in my arms now, and i'm just wondering how this all happened... and i'm kinda annoyed. So, after Class, I decide to wear it and hope to leave school with it still on. He comes too soon though, and takes it away from me, saying, "wow, no offence but you're a midgit!"
That kind of got at me. But, then he gives me a hug, trying to make me feel better, and then just leaves. So, that frustration of feeling really cheap and somewhat like i've just been treated like an object kind of got me through the whole "act mad at your BF" theater improv.
It's funny how something so ill humored as feeling cheap really got me through the day. ha!
Except for that, i'm pretty tired, bored, and scared...
I've been scared lately. I know why, too. But, there's nothing I can do about it. I face this every day... and I try to stay farther away from the problem, but it seems to follow me in the hallways at school, in class, etc. And I don't like it. Not one bit. I just want this to leave me alone!
leave me alone! *screams at someone next to her* LEAVE ME ALONE! ...
I don't want to be scared. Not again. I was scared a while back and it's still here. Wind, carry me away from here, into the Mountains, where the Yellow Sun meets the Blue of the sky, where Willy is no where to be seen...
nvm then, since someone never cares to read this.
XP

oatmeals... yays.

I don't like mornings at my mom's house.
no one gets downstairs until they have to leave and i'm confused on when exactly we all go.
But, also, there's nothing really for breakfast. so, i'm sitting in the kitchen thinking, "what should I make for breakfast?" I reach to the only place I think there could be something....
and pull out the oatmeal. I put it in the microwave and put it in for a minute... 5 tries later, I finally realize why it's not cooking... I look at the power dial... it's at DEFROST...
it's been at Defrost for 5 tries until I finally realise it... god, why didn't you tell me earlier???
lol! so, today's going to be a laughable day today... except for the fact that there's an English test I didn't really study for... and the fact that there's a Geometry quiz today... oh no!
i'm in deep crap... and I still have to go to the office early today to deal with some other crap...
man! I suck at this. well, see you guys later I guess.

I'm bored. I mean, super crappy bored

I feel like life has taken a stop til next week. I need to be bored to feel excited sometime.
I'm listening to nonsense music called Franz Ferdinand "no you girls never know". it's quite hilarious. So, yeah, look it up.
God, today has been kinda scary... especially after 1st lunch. It just kinda got scary with someone not leaving me alone >.> ... <.< ... O.O ... XO
... lol! I find that hilarious. :)
But, honestly, I was scared. So, yeah, right now i'm kinda keeping distance from the front door and taking refuge in the sunroom. lol!
Well, I gots to go... sorry for the short post. I've been busy lately (and scared). So, I will see you all laters... byes my loves!